I'm in one of those moods. The I feel like shit moods. I just feel lonely. They say you should spend time with yourself and love yourself, but ugh it's so fucking boring. I hate being by myself because I'm alone with my thoughts. Thoughts of him, mostly. The pills I got were working but I think today my mind wants to be sad. I'm so sick of winter too. I want to go outside with my daughter and watch her play. Honestly I just want to get January over because then we'll be closer to spring, I'll see my ultrasound and February is a short month. Oh and income tax too. I'm still searching for another job also. I'm just looking for my luck to change. I hate knowing he's happy, and everything is going right, and he's got someone to keep his bed warm but, I sleep by myself and I have no job, no money, and it doesn't matter how much I pray nothing is happening. I have friends but that's not who I want to spend my day with. My daughter is walking a lot now. Up until 3 days ago she only walked a little bit and not for very long but now she walks everywhere. It's so funny. I think she knows mommy is sad I try to stay happy for her but it's tough. On the bright side I started writing my book yesterday. Honestly I don't know where this book is going but I guess we'll see where my imagination takes me. I just ran a bath and got a face mask to relax me a bit. I'm going on take another supplement and after Alena goes to sleep I'll take a relaxing bath. Bye for now.
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