And the day came....

So the day came.  On May 8th I gave birth via C Section at 10:13 am to Salina Hazel Coleman.  She was born at 31 weeks.  I went to the hospital for bleeding Thursday morning and although it had pretty much stopped, I was having contractions really close and they were worried about my blood count so they decided on a c section.  She's really strong and she's awesome. She's doing really well.  I emailed EJ the day I gave birth and he replied yesterday told me that if I believe that he's the father,  to do a paternity test. Which is obvious.  Then he said he knows he's not the dad.  That was it.  It's been bothering me all day.  I don't know why I expected him to jump on board. My feelings are hurt too because this just shows how much we don't really matter. I  feel like it's my fault and I deserve this.  I  keep blaming myself because I feel like it's my fault we're not together, at the same time how do I matter so little to someone who I thought cared about me so much?  People said he probably didn't love me but he definitely acted like it.  What am I not seeing that is so obvious to everyone else.  I also don't get why he's so sure it's not his!  We slept together multiple times.  He says he can't have children but why?  She does look like him but he has the ability to make me second guess myself.  Shes got his crooked nose.  I've been feeling really down today when I should just focus on my daughter getting better. Actually that brings me to something else. I feel kind of upset that I didn't have a full term pregnancy. It bothers me for some reason.  I guess I'm upset that nothing went the way I was hoping. I feel like I was doing well and finally Settling into a comfortable place. I was doing job training, and I was started to feel better about EJ.  I don't regret it at all I'm just disappointed and shocked at the turn of events. My little girl is amazing I love her.  I miss Alena too,  I saw her a few times while I've been in the hospital. She's so big and so smart.  She was happy to see me too.   She hasn't met her sister yet. She can't meet her until she gets released which might be awhile.
I don't know what to do at this point. C section requires a month of recovery and   I still don't have a job and I still have bills to pay. What am I supposed to do for a month? :( I'll just keep praying because honestly there's nothing else I can do.